Which type of parent are you? According to the great parenting scholars, there are four types and we were fortunate to have renowned psychologist Dr Samia Mikhael run through them all with us.
Authoritarian – very much in control of everything and everyone. Heavy rules and routines form daily lifestyles.
Uninvolved – the opposite of authoritarian – no control, no communication and very detached from the child’s social, emotional and mental well-being.
Permissive – don’t have control but allow child total freedom. The ‘fun’ parent. You love and accept the child and are their friend. Involved, but not great. You are a little inattentive and in-genuine.
Authoritative – a combination style and the best type. You accept your child, want to build a relationship with them, plus you set some boundaries with explanations and guidance. Everything is communicated and explained. This is the ability to build a relationship while saying ‘no’.
A good parent has to say no, however not by yelling or screaming. There is a tone and a conversation; the way you say things and what you say is a big deal.
Studies have found that children raised the ‘authoritative’ way are happy and have high self-esteem, do well academically, and are more likely to take on your values as their own because they have a strong relationship where the child admires the parent.
While no parent is perfect all the time, there is a golden rule Dr Samia shared with us to help keep our relationship with our children strong and healthy. For every negative act or words, we need to offer 5 positive acts or words to counteract the negativity. An example of a negative could be taking something away, not letting them do something, yelling, something that results in the child crying or not responding well. Example of positives is praise (“I know you tried really hard and will be helping me clean that mess up because you’re so helpful”) and posture (cuddles and kisses).
We hope to see you at our next meeting on Thursday 6th May for a talk on child safety by an experienced social worker.
